Night and Day

* * *

I turn on the TV at night…

I am a man. I am lost. For what I lack in wit, I make up for in abundance with body hair, body odor and body fat. I am stupid, forgetful, balding, dishonest, hopeless, impotent, insensitive, crude, horny, aggressive, lazy, and stubborn. I am not a good dresser, dancer, or listener. If I am, then I am gay.

I like trucks, not theater. I like steak, not salad. I like facts, not fiction.

I like basements. I call them caves.

I’m weaker than you think I am. I’m stronger than you think I’m not. I can be improved.

* * *

I turn on the TV at night…

I am a woman. I am emotional. For what I lack in physical strength, I make up for in abundance with body shaving, body lotions and body issues. I am ditsy, hormonal, hungry, fat, vain, helpless, weak, promiscuous, judgmental, crazy, wrinkled, and afraid. I am not a good fighter, athlete, or leader. If I am, then I am gay.

I like shopping, not sports. I like to gossip, not govern. I like fashion, not finance.

I like the Kardashians. I can’t keep up with them.

I’m stronger than you think I am. I’m weaker than you think I’m not. I can be improved.

* * *

I wake up in the morning…

I am a man. I have brown shoes, and black. I have one pair of jeans, and one pair of underwear. I know they have holes in them, and I don’t mind. I have one suit, and one tie. I have one set of bed sheets, and one set of bed pillows. I have one towel. I have one roll of toilet paper.

I get depressed sometimes.

I secretly watch romantic comedies, listen to pop music, read celebrity blogs, and count calories. I secretly watch Bravo. I secretly wonder if I’m good enough, smart enough, strong enough. I want to be better, smarter, stronger. I am tired of being competitive.

I wish I had more hair on my head, more money in the bank, and more friends on the weekend. I don’t have friends. I have drinking buddies. I wish I had less inches on my waist, and more inches below it. I wish I didn’t disappoint so much.

I cry sometimes.

I pretend to know more than I actually do. I pretend to know less than I actually do. I suck in my gut when you pass, and flex my arm when you touch. I’m not this confident. I’m not this outdoorsy or handy. I’m not this brave.

I’m in awe of you sometimes.

* * *

I wake up in the morning…

I am a woman. I have exactly as many shoes as I need, never enough as I want, and I hate all of my clothes. I have a lot of pants I can’t fit into, and I have a lot of underwear I can’t be seen in. I like to be comfortable. I like to be sexy. I don’t like when I’m not either.

I smell bad sometimes.

I think I need chocolate and cheese, and I do. I love the way the beach makes me feel. I hate the way bathing suits make me feel. I am just like any other woman, but I am nothing like every other woman. I want higher cheekbones, a lower weight, larger breasts, smaller hips. I have big feet and big ankles, big thighs and a big ass, a big nose and a big forehead. I hate the word moist.

I cover up more than I show. I’m tired of being frustrated. I want a first kiss feeling. I want to chase, be chased, caught, tied up, tied down, released, and freed. I don’t want to explain when. I want to be wanted.

I secretly root for my best friends to fail sometimes.

I pretend to care more than I actually do. I pretend to care less than I actually do. I pretend not to notice you sucking in your gut when I pass, and flexing your arm when I touch. I’m not this confident. I’m not this domestic or gentle. I’m not this brave.

I’m in awe of you sometimes.

* * *

1 Comment

Filed under dating, desperation, family, fashion, Guy stuff, love, madness, poetry, women

One response to “Night and Day

  1. I find this interesting,complicated,pessimistic,somehow desperate,but pertaining to a profound thinker who knows a lot about life.
    He doesn’t take himself too seriously,but….HE EXISTS….!

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